Shame, unworthiness, and abandonment. They describe a silent but very common relational pattern: when something inside has been hurting for a long time, but the origin of that suffering is not clearly recognized.

Many people live in relationships marked by emotional, financial, or affective exploitation without understanding why they always end up in the same place.
It's not a lack of choice.
It's not weakness.
It is an early relational learning that the body still carries.

When the shame doesn't start with you.

Deep shame rarely arises from nothing.

It often arises in contexts where care has been unstable, ambiguous, or marked by fear of loss.

In many family histories, there are fathers or mothers who lived real emotional abandonment — and from that point on, they began to sustain bonds through excess: excess of care, presence, vigilance, and adaptation.

Overprotection, in these cases, does not stem from free love.

It stems from the fear of losing.

When a child grows up in this environment, they learn something very specific:

To maintain the bond, she needs to adapt.

Overprotection, abuse, and the origin of unworthiness.

The problem isn't just being overly cautious.

The risk arises when, despite overprotection, the child or adolescent lives... situations of abuse, invasion or emotional violence — often within the family structure itself.

When this happens, the nervous system silently collapses.

The message conveyed is not verbal, it's physical:

“"If this happened to me, there must be something wrong with me."”

That's how shame and undeserving They organize themselves.

Not as an idea.

But as an internal state.

The repetition of patterns in adult life.

In adulthood, this learning reappears in relationships:
• relationships where there is exploitation followed by abandonment
• difficulty in maintaining boundaries
• A constant feeling of needing to prove your worth
• fear of losing the other person if they stop adapting

The body recognizes this field as familiar, even if it is painful.

When we talk about shame, undeserving, and abandonment, We are talking about patterns that repeat themselves not through conscious choice, but through consistency with what the system has learned to call a bond.

The therapeutic path: restoring balance and choice.

These patterns cannot be changed by force, nor by quick decisions.

They transform when the body begins to experience something new: Presence without demands, connection without threat, relationship without extreme adaptation.

Therapeutic work is not about "leaving the relationship" or "putting up with it any longer.".

It's about gradually restoring inner balance until new choices become possible.

Today, perhaps, the step that can be taken is too small.

But it's true.

And that changes everything, because it restores grounding and presence.

Sustaining one's own field, without demanding that others or external reality keep up at the same pace, is already a profound act of emotional maturity and self-care.

Inside it may be clear.

Outside, things might be in transition.

And that's enough for today.

Then, just one thing:

a small action.

It's useless for proving anything.

It serves to remind the body that you are present — and making your choices.